Yesterday I bought myself flowers for Valentine’s day and it felt amazing. But it’s also got me reflecting a lot on my status of being single, perfectly timed with a book I’m reading at the moment called ‘The Single Revolution’ by Shani Silver (highly recommended!)
I have mostly been single in my adult life. I’ve had a few short relationships, but I’ve never lived with a partner for example.
The thing is, this hasn’t felt painful or hard in itself. I’m happy in my own company and don’t ever feel I’m less than because I’m not in a couple. When I’ve wanted to date, I have done, and I’ve met some amazing people over the years. But I don’t long for that particularly day to day.
What has made it stressful is other people’s perception of me being single.
Asking me when we meet up if I am dating before they ask about anything else.
Having a concerned look on their face.
Pathologising my lack of dating.
Celebrating and looking relieved if I am partnered.
I have thought there must be something wrong with me over the years. Not because I’m not with someone, but because I don’t really mind about being with someone. Is that weird, that I’m happy either way? Wait, isn’t that absolute f*cking liberation?!
And then I’ve also noticed something else. When I hear people talk about their busy dating lives and how it feels, I honestly think — ahh that’s what I’m like with ideas and projects.
I’m constantly romancing new opportunities, flirting with new hobbies, day-dreaming about new adventures…
I have a few different projects on the go, and am open about that with anyone who is involved, until I work out the ones I want to really commit to. And then I have to break up with them… (#knowingwhentoquit).
The giddiness of falling in love for me is not limited to romantic relationships, it’s spending four days in a hyperfocus composing a musical; it’s looking forward to a new flamenco class; it’s taking myself out for a walk in nature and swimming in the sea; it’s recording a song on Garage Band; planning a party…